Loneliness
‘Loneliness’ is described as a discrepancy between an individual's preferred social relations, which lead to a negative experience of feeling alone as well as distress and dysphoria of feeling socially isolate. Social theories of loneliness suggest that loneliness is considered as a sign of absence of attachment figures in one’s life that may lead to other negative feelings such as low self-worth and self-doubt.
It is important to note that being alone and experiencing loneliness are not the same thing. People can be alone and not feel lonely and can be around people and feel lonely.
At such a daunting and testing time with COVID-19 and everyone suddenly having to practice social distancing and social isolation it is important that we all take note of any feelings of loneliness that we may have and try and work out what we need to do to help overcome them feelings. Naturally as people become isolated and distant from their daily connections, mental illnesses will increase, develop and/or be triggered. I know for myself I am ok being alone but there is a certain degree to being alone that my mind may start to take over and I start to feel lonely. This normally happens when I have a few weekends at home without any interactions with friends and limited ones with family. I have over the years worked so hard to tackle this and grown my mind to think differently when and if I ever have feelings of loneliness, including accepting that its ok.
First thing to acknowledge when and if ever feeling lonely is to know that having feelings of loneliness are totally ok. Although loneliness sometimes is considered a negative feeling in society, science shows that it is actually something we need in order to overcome a situation that may put us at a disadvantage. Just like feeling physical pain, this is the way your body tells you there is something wrong. We are literally wired as human beings to form connections. It is a part of our biological make up to have connections and interactions with other human beings; physically and emotionally. The neurons in our brains are often shooting messages along their electrical currents to create certain feelings or thoughts which may lead to feelings of anxiety, stress and depression. It is up to us to learn how to overcome and tackle them feelings when we start to notice them.
In saying that it is important to know what the signs and symptoms of loneliness are and what you can do to help yourself if ever feeling lonely.
Some symptoms of loneliness include;
- Physical symptoms; having aches and pains, headaches, illness or worsening of medical conditions
- Mental health conditions as noted above – increased risk of depression, anxiety, paranoia or panic attacks
- Low energy – tiredness or lack of motivation
- Sleep problems – difficulty getting to sleep, waking frequently or sleeping too much
- Diet problems – loss of appetite, sudden weight gain or loss
- Substance use – Increased consumption of alcohol, smoking, medications, drugs
- Negative feelings – feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness or thoughts about suicide and self-harm.
So, what can we do when feeling lonely not just now with COVID-19 and social isolation but any time? Here’s some tips on some things you can do;
1. 3 C’s – CATCH IT, CHECK IT, CHANGE IT
There are technical names for this type of practice, but I won’t bore you all with them and will just try and explain how this is done.
CATCH IT – Catch your thoughts.
Acknowledge what you are thinking and feeling and tell yourself that it’s ok to have those feelings. Rather than over thinking the feeling/thought, ride the wave. This helps to separate it from you as a person and changes it to a moment in time as an acknowledged thought/feeling. For example; At home on your own starting to feel down. We may have a thought like ‘No one must like me I’m alone’. Take notice that, that it was you are currently thinking.
CHECK IT – Check your thoughts.
Ask yourself where is the evidence that this thought it true. Such as thinking of the last time you saw or spoke to your friends and family.
CHANGE IT - Change your thoughts.
Instead of thinking ‘No one must like me I’m alone’. Try and remember step 1 was about naming the feeling as ‘loneliness’. Tell yourself this than think of the connections you have. For example. I feel lonely but that’s ok to feel sometimes, I actually have friends and family who love me and I saw them just a few days ago, I have clothes that were made by someone in China so really that’s pretty cool that someone made the clothes I’m wearing and I also have neighbour’s close by.
Note; if you aren’t used to doing any sort of positive self-talk or its new to you it’s ok to be so uncomfortable with it. It is a mindful skill that takes time to learn and develop.
2. At a time like COVID-19 a good way to connect is online.
Text your friends and family, don’t feel afraid to say you’re feeling lonely and organise a FaceTime chat or a phone call. I have become a FaceTime person the last few years. Mainly because I have friends who live long distance but it’s such a helpful way to still feel connected.
3. Practice daily self-care routines
Such as making your bed, having a routine and setting yourself some tasks to do during the day to keep yourself busy.
4. Exercise
My most favourite one!! If you start to feel overwhelmed with thoughts of loneliness try and go for a walk even if it’s only 10minutes. Or be creative, counteract your thoughts of loneliness by doing some sort of physical movement. For example, stop and do 10 squats when you have thoughts on loneliness. It might be tough at first but once you start, you’ll start to feel the benefits. This helps balance out the energy in our body and take the focus away from our mind and thoughts into a more physical action which without us even knowing is changing the neural pathways in our brain to more positive and useful ones.
5. Pets
Pets are great company if ever struggling with loneliness.
6. Do an activity or take up a new hobby
Gardening, colouring in, reading books, music, learning a new skill
7. Practice Mindfulness
Spotify, YouTube and google all have some great guided ones. There are also some great apps you can download such as the CALM, SMILING MIND and BLOOM apps.
Loneliness looks different for everyone. Just know it’s ok to feel, we are mammals and designed to connect and form attachments with others. Reach out to your support networks, Face time, send text messages, get up and get your body moving and don’t be afraid to check in with those around you. We can’t control having to be isolated right now but we can control how we respond to the situation. When you take time to think of connections, they can be found in so many more ways that just being physically present with people.1
KY.
xo